Features of Three Stages of Adolescent Development

Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

Table 1: Key Features of the Three Stages of Adolescent Development
Aspect of
Development Early Adolescence
Ages 10-13 Middle Adolescence
Ages 14-16 Late Adolescence
Ages 17-19
Physical • Significant physical/ sexual maturation
• Intense concern with body image • Continuing physical/ sexual changes
• Less concern with body image • Physical/ sexual changes complete
• Greater acceptance of physical appearance
Cognitive • Concrete thinking • Growth of capacity to think abstractly • Capacity for abstract thought in place
Emotional • Growing independence in decision-making • Development pf sense of identity
• Exploration of ability to attract partners begins • Sense of identity established
Social • Increasing influence of peers
• Feeling attracted to others begins • Enormous influence of peers/school environment
• Increase in sexual interest • Family influence more in balance with peer influence
• Serious intimate relationships begin to develop
• Transition to work, college, independent living
Behavioral • Experimenting with new ways of behaving begins • Risk-taking behavior • Capacity for realistic risk assessment
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Developmental Tasks
Adolescents face the major task of creating stable identities and becoming complete and productive adults (Perkins, Adolescence: Developmental Tasks, 2001). They take on this task in small steps along the way as they adapt to the changes they experience. These steps are themselves significant challenges and are listed in Table 2, adapted from Perkins (2001), Stroufe (1988), and American Psychological Association (2002):
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Table 2: Reaching Adolescent Developmental Goals
Developmental Goal Reaching the Goal: Facts and Tips
Achieve new level of closeness and trust with peers. Adolescents learn through experimentation to interact with others in more adult ways.
Gain independence from parents and develop new status within the family. Change is smoother if adolescents and their parents agree on some level of independence that increases over time. Example: Setting curfew times that increase as the adolescent matures and demonstrates responsible behavior.
Develop a sense of personal identity. New cognitive abilities give adolescents the chance to reflect on who they are and what makes them unique. Adults can help adolescents in this quest by:
• Engaging them with non-threatening questions, such as: Who do you admire? What do you like to do in your free time? What do you consider to be your strengths? What have you done in your life that you feel proud of?
• Casually showing rational decision-making strategies, such as discussing how someone you know defined a problem, generated options, anticipated outcomes, and made a decision.
• Discussing ethical and moral problems that are in the news.
Move toward autonomy in the larger world. Adolescents need to begin to explore what will be their place in the world. Adults can help them to gain insightful experience by encouraging them to:
• Take on more responsibility in schoolwork and school-related activities.
• Get involved in community activities.
• Hold part-time or summer jobs.
• Develop future goals.
• Examine career/educational options.
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Four Major Questions Facing Adolescents
The growth of one’s intellect from concrete to abstract thinking makes adolescence an intense time of self-discovery. In their quest to define themselves and their relationship to the world, adolescents begin to ask themselves four basic abstract questions (Perkins, “Adolescence: The Four Questions,” 2001):
• Who am I? (pertaining to his or her sexuality and social roles)
• Am I normal? (Do I fit in with a certain crowd?)
• Am I competent? (Am I good at something that is valued by peers and parents?)
• Am I lovable and loving? (can someone besides Mom and Dad love me?)
Adults who work with adolescents need to recognize that these questions are quite central to the concerns of adolescents and should give them a chance to explore their own beliefs and find their own answers to these questions. Guidelines for assisting adolescents in their quest to answer each of these questions follow in Table 3 (Perkins, 2001).
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Table 3: Four Major Questions Facing Adolescents — Guidelines for Adults
Question Guidelines for Adults
Who am I? • Give them the freedom to explore their world. Only then can adolescents begin to answer this question.
Am I normal? • Give them room to be like their peers. Fitting in with peers helps adolescents feel “normal.”
• Monitor youth activities by using the four “W” questions:
o Where are you going?
o With whom are you going?
o What are you doing?
o When will you be home?
Am I competent? • Assist adolescents with their problems and challenges but do not solve them.
• Ask questions instead of telling, such “What are some things you could do?”
• Guide but do not direct.
Am I lovable and loving? Adolescents develop best when they have supportive families and community life that include:
• Warmth and mutual respect.
• Serious and lasting interest of parents and other adults.
• Adult attention to the changes they are experiencing.
• Clear standards regarding discipline and close supervision.
• Communication of high expectations for achievement and ethical behavior.
• Democratic ways of dealing with conflict.

Communication Skills

Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

Active Listening
Most parents are not ignorant of the concept and technique known as active listening. The problem arises when you overuse it or dismiss it in frustration. As an important skill for every parent and should be mastered. When you listen actively, you are sending your child the message that they are important enough to have your undivided attention. Many problems can be solved and even prevented when parents and leaders take the time to use active listening. This allows you to play the role of guide in helping teens be able to guide children into solving his/her problem with practical solutions and prayer.
Try these for simple steps to strengthen this skill.
• Stop what you are doing.
• Look at your child.
• Give your full attention.
• Listen to what is said.
• Comment on what you think you heard. Use reframing or retelling techniques.

Remember, don’t overdo it. Don’t over animate your expression and don’t sound as if you are doing this to step down to a less mature level.

Adolescence: The Last Step Before Becoming An Adult

Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

Adolescence: The Last Step Before Becoming An Adult
All children will journey through several developmental stages on their road to adulthood. Sometimes these stages look more like steps that must be completed before continuing on. For most (there are always rare exceptions) there are four or five such stages of growth where kids learn and model certain things. 1. Infancy (birth to age two), 2. Early childhood (ages 3 to 8 years), 3. Later childhood (ages 9 to 12) and 4. Adolescence (ages 13 to 18). Sometimes there is more of a distinct stage between later childhood and adolescence called pre-adolescence (age 13-14). But for most the basic four are propionate and distinct. In most countries and especially in the US, anyone 18 and over are considered adults in society. While some try to prolong their adolescence, others try to achieve it too quickly. On average, we all grew up and are growing up in this same pattern.
Parents typically will learn how to take care of their baby and young children from reading, observing and examples in their life. At the hospital or with the doctor, you might pick up information about what to feed them or how long they should sleep. Later, school faculty may remind you about the importance of talking and reading to your young children. You can also see how your friends or relatives treat their kids. You cannot say the same thing about learning to talk with teenagers (adolescents). It seems like everyone, even teachers and neighbors have difficulty relating to and understanding today’s students. Some give up and give in by simply doing and saying the same things your parents did at that age. Caution: those were different times!
You can begin to understand and relate to this age group much more effectively if you remind yourself where this group of people are in the overall growth sequence. Remember that fall right next to the adult stage, the last step before being an adult. Simple, but often we adults forget that even though they might look like, dress like and talk like an adult (at least when they want to) that they are NOT yet adults.
During this pre-adult stage, teens are trying to determine their future. Will I attend college or where will I attend college. What will I do for work? Will I have a family? Will I get married? Will I get rich or will I be poor? What tragedies will I face? The point is: that one of the first major steps towards healthy independence is that teens must start making their own decisions. There must be a gradual separation and restraint from rescueing and deciding for them when something big is at stake. Of course if the decsions and lessons could be learned with the same influence without consequences, we parents would opt for that. We don’t want to see our kids in pain but it is necessary for healthy development. To do this they must put a little distance between themselves and their parents. This does not mean that you can’t continue to “look after them” or help them when needed. You should, as much as possible, let them learn from the results of their actions. Example: they no longer want to go to youth group because “everyone is in middle school” or “I don’t get anything out of it” or “none of my friends go”. OK, listen up parents! This is not an example of giving them space. They may miss occasionally due to conflicts with youth group but the vast majority of the time they need to be connected to their youth group every week! Not monthly, weekly. One day you might need that support group called Youth Ministry – and then it is too late to slap it all together and it be adequate. Keep that as a non-option in the game of distance and freedom. Let their decision space be in the area of savings, spending, flexible times for curfew with good track record, choice of family outings, etc.
Remember, adolescents also need to be around other adults, both male and female. Don’t negate the important influence of grandparents, relatives, neighbors, coaches or teachers. Of course, they should be positive role models. Your teenagers can learn from them about things like how to fix the car, getting along with others, responsibility, family systems or ideas for future jobs. Finally, don’t worry if they want to spend time alone. Adolescents can kill lots of minutes day dreaming about their future life. However, make sure that the same minutes of freedom are not outnumbering their constructive minutes. A good statement you can use to declare to your teenager as a way of thinking, working, prioritizing and living is: What do I NEED to do before I do what I WANT to do.
Life is good, Live well!

Managing Summertime Access to Technology

Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

MEDIA MATTERS

Managing your kid’s summertime access to technology.

The availability of technology in today’s culture forces us to choose who is allowed access to our home and our children and with what parameters that access is granted. During the summer when school is out and kids have more free time, the decisions regarding media and managing it are even more crucial.

PARENTING TIPS

1. BE VIGILANT: Be alert and pro-active when considering the technology diet of your children. Ie: Know the ratings, research the content and consider the message.

2. GET SMART: Face it, our culture is dangerous. The “I am not tech savvy” mentality or “I don’t have time to learn that” attitude is no longer affordable. Learn how to navigate Parental Controls. If you are technologically challenged, recruit a techy friend as a tutor or visit the Geek Squad.

3. PROMOTE DIALOGUE: Turn your monitoring minutes into teachable moments by engaging your children about questionable messages, language or images. Focus on asking open ended questions that lead to scriptural principals on which they can stand.

4. OFFER A BALANCED DIET: Two hours with the X-Box can be countered by two chapters in a summer reading assignment. A TV show or movie may be complimented by a family game or group activity. Be careful that your child does not become addicted to the indoors. Being creative with family outings, camps and vacation can lead to a healthy respect for and understanding of God’s creation.

5. SET BOUNDARIES: Kids need concrete parameters. Even amidst objection and complaints, kids crave a concrete parameter from which to operate. Verbal instruction will suffice for most guidance, but for best results, consider communicating your expectations in writing.

Summer can be as challenging for parents as it is fun for kids, but applying a few practical tips can make it more enjoyable for everyone.

A few helpful websites:

Ÿ www.familysafemedia.com Ÿ www. tvboss.org

Ÿ www.focusonthefamily.com Ÿ www. tvguidelines.org

Ÿ www.safeeyes.com Ÿ www. pluggedinonline.com

Leadership Style

Sunday, June 21st, 2009

Dictator, Winger or Equipper?

In ministry, you are of course called upon to lead, manage, mentor and guide. It is interesting to observe the variety of leadership styles that exist among ministers.
Most student leaders will readily claim they are Equippers, but my observation suggest that it is a mixed bag of nuts. Often I see a hybrid or adaptation that is effective in some form but too often a form of leadership emerges that is something less biblical, effective or fruitful.
The Dictator is recognized for the following management characteristics.
1. Rule #1 – I lead, you follow, I am the boss, you serve Christ by serving me.
2. Prefers managing paid staff such as ministry assistants of interns rather than volunteers.
3. Personal loyalty is highly regarded and highly rewarded

The WINGER is characterized by:
1. The thrill of spontinaity
2. The excitement of the unknown or unplanned
3. The “lets play it by ear” phylosophy.

The EQUIPPER is characterized by
1. The joy that comes from seeing voluntees become ministry leaders.
2. The excitement of not being in charge of details and minsitry tasks
3. Ministry initiatives dedicated to developing disciple/ministers rather than managing events.
4. Prioritizing time according to those ministry tasks that require a ministr to accomplish.

May we all strive to be equippers of saints rather than directors of positions.

"The Holiness of God" by RC Sproul

Wednesday, April 15th, 2009

The following is a reprint of notes sent to me from my youngest son Jarred
I like it . . . a lot

(Dad check out these excerpts from the book I’m reading, “The Holiness of God”, by RC Sproul- I HIGHLY recommend the book!)
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Hans Kung, the controversial Roman Catholic theologian, writing about the seemingly harsh judgments of sin God makes in the Old Testament, says that the most mysterious aspect of the mystery of sin is not that the sinner deserves to die, but rather that the sinner in the average situation continues to exist.

Kung asks the right question. The issue is not why does God punish sin, but why does He permit the ongoing rebellion of man? What prince, what king, what ruler would manifest so much patience with a continually rebellious populace?

The key to Kung’s observation is that he speaks of sinners continuing to live in the average situation. That is, it is customary or usual for God to be gracious. He is indeed long-suffering, patient and slow to anger. In fact He is so slow to anger that when His anger does erupt we are shocked and offended by it. We forget rather quickly that God’s patience is designed to lead us to repentance, to give us time to be redeemed. The SUPREME FOLLY IS THAT WE THINK WE WILL GET AWAY WITH OUR REVOLT.

We must face the difficult question of the the quest for the “Promised Land”. There God explicitly commanded the slaughter of men, women, and children. The Promised Land was given to Israel by a bloody sword, a sword dripping with the blood of infants and women. God directly issued the order for the bloodbath:

“1 When the LORD your God brings you into the land you are entering to possess and drives out before you many nations—the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites, seven nations larger and stronger than you- 2 and when the LORD your God has delivered them over to you and you have defeated them, then you must destroy them totally. [a] Make no treaty with them, and show them no mercy.” (Deuteronomy 7:1-2)

WHY DID GOD issue such a command? How could He have ordered the slaughter of women and children? People are always attempting to soften this event! Curriculum for students try to explain that in light of the New Testament revelation of God’s love we know that God did not ever issue such a belligerent command… The Old Testament is merely the record of a primitive warlike group of Hebrews who tried to justify ruthless policies by attrubuting them to a divine sanction.

These kind of interpretations overlook some vital aspects of the matter. First, there is a historical precedent that is far more severe than the conquest of Canaan- THE FLOOD. In the Flood God destroyed the entire population of the world except for Noah and his family. The Flood was a “conquest of Canaan” on a grand scale. More important is the failure to understand the nature of sin. The assumption of most people (including myself before God revealed these ‘nuggets’ to me), is that God wiped out INNOCENT people in Canaan. In fact there were NO INNOCENT women or children in Canaan. The conquest of Canaan was an explicit expression of God’s RIGHTEOUS JUDGMENT on a wicked nation. He made that point clear to Israel. He also made it clear to ISRAEL that she was also not innocent. It was not as if God destroued a wicked people for the sake of a righteous people. To the Canaanites God poured out justice. To the Jews God poured out mercy.

“4 After the LORD your God has driven them out before you, do not say to yourself, “The LORD has brought me here to take possession of this land because of my righteousness.” No, it is on account of the wickedness of these nations that the LORD is going to drive them out before you. 5 It is not because of your righteousness or your integrity that you are going in to take possession of their land; but on account of the wickedness of these nations, the LORD your God will drive them out before you, to accomplish what he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. 6 Understand, then, that it is not because of your righteousness that the LORD your God is giving you this good land to possess, for you are a stiff-necked people.” (Deuteronomy 9:4-6)

God did not choose Israel because Israel was already holy. He chose them to make them holy. God ordained a scorched-earth policy to purge the land for future salvation. THIS is “Holy Justice”.

(These are excerpts from the book I’m reading, “The Holiness of God”, by RC Sproul- I HIGHLY recommend this book!)

Top Three Complaints I hear about Student Leaders

Friday, April 3rd, 2009

A few years ago I began to take the opportunity to survey pastor, staff, volunteers, interns and others connected to Student Ministry. The dialogue became an eye opener for me. Not really a shock but the consistency of feelings and target of much frustration began to show with clarity.
Below I have highlighted the basic form of my findings from the the survey question: What do you find is the most challenging aspect of your relationship to your student minister.

Ranked in order by greatest frustration/challenge response.

1. From the Pastor: he/she doesn’t communicate
2. From Parents of Youth: he/she doesn’t communicate
3. Other Staff: he/she operates as a lone ranger
4. Acquaintances: he/she is too busy for anything else

FACEBOOK NATION

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009

OK, so if you are not a FACEBOOK kind of person, you are going to feel a bit antiquated in the world of adolescents. Since I saw this coming many years back (ok, so Walt Mueller told me about it), I joined Facebook just to see what others were doing. It felt like I was graduating from MySpace with the tassle turned to a whole new world openning up.

Confession, The fastest way to reach me is still on my mobile phone (24/7 except for a 1hr. work-out & 2 min. shower), next is by texting me, next an email and finally Facebook. I would catogorize myself as a cultural user – ie: dont really need it, like it but could do without it. Usefull, yes, worth the upkeep – not so much. But hey, if you want to be culturally relevant and teach others who work with students to at least give the apperarenc of relevancy, you gotta be on Facebook – at least until twitter becomes a household name. So, for now we are a Facebook nation with a Twitter curiosity. I would not mind having one less thing to learn in our every changing culture of technology

We are ministering to: The Most Connected, Yet most alone Generation in history. How is that the case when they seem to be connected to everything and everyone? Because students today are connected electronically rather than being connected relationally.

A bit of Facebook trivia to make you feel relevant!

Facebook, formerly The Facebook, is a free-access social networking website that is operated and privately owned by Facebook, Inc. The website’s name refers to the paper facebooks depicting members of a campus community that some Universities and prep schools give to incoming students, faculty, and staff as a way to get to know other people on campus.

Mark Zucherberg founded Facebook while he was a student at Harvard University. Website membership was initially limited to Harvard students, but was expanded to other colleges and Stanford Univeristy. It later expanded further to include any university student, then high school students, and, finally, to anyone aged 13 and over. The website currently has more than 175 million active users worldwide.

It is estimated that 13 percent of Facebook customers access the site using their phones.

Facebook already has applications on devices such as Apple’s iPhone and the BlackBerry, which let users post updates and send messages to their friends. The company is working with phone makers to tie Facebook more closely to mobile devices, allowing users to merge their phone contacts with their Facebook friends.

Who knows one day, we may not even have Deacon’s Meetings, we might just Facebook our thoughts on the Wall!

Barna.org Challenges us with Stats

Wednesday, March 25th, 2009

What expectations do teens have about attending church?

45% Worship or make a connection with God.
42% Better understand what I believe
34% Spend time with friends
34% Get encouraged or inspired
30% Volunteer to help others.

What do teens learn from their experiences in church? (top four answers)

65% Moral and ethical standards
62% Relationships
55% Faith traditions
50% Personal evangelism

Prayer . . . Essential

Wednesday, March 11th, 2009

“A man may study because his brain is hungry for knowledge, even Bible knowledge. But he prays because his soul is hungry for God.” – Leonard Ravenhill

My oldest son is part of a prayer group of men. I thought I would share with you an adapted version of his encouragement to them, to me and now to you.

John Piper reminds us about a pressing and essential ingredient to life in his book: Let the Nations Be Glad.

“Until you know that life is war, you cannot know what prayer is for. What have millions of Christians done? We have stopped believing that we are in a war. No urgency, no watching, no vigilance. No strategic planning. Just easy peace and prosperity. And what did we do with our war-time walkie-talkie (prayer line to God)? We tried to rig it up as an intercom in our houses and cabins and boats and cars – not to call in firepower for conflict with a mortal enemy but to ask for more comforts in the den.”

As we go through out our day, I encourage you apply the urgency and persistence of prayer that Piper stresses. I pray that you will continue in and out of a perpetual state of prayer – whether at work, the gym, driving, or in the comfort of our home. But let me remind you as I remind myself – let’s try to commit at least 10 minutes of prayer time alone to God (minimal). I’m talking about alone in our room or home with no one else around just you and the Lord. Consider praying out loud even (it keeps me from being side tracked). We must realize how desperately in need of Him we are and we can’t afford to go without prayer. We simply cant afford and don’t have time to leave out prayer!

In Ephesians 6:17-18 Paul makes the connection between the life of war and the work of prayer. “Take the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints.” Notice how it says in 17 – “take the sword of the spirit…. praying”! So how does verse 17 say we are to wield the Word? – By prayer!

Just pointing out the obvious connection between war-time and the work of prayer. Have a great day on the battlefield boys! My prayer time will be at 10:00am sharp. How bout you?!

A prayer from A.W. Tozer in “The pursuit of God”:
“Lord teach me to listen. The times are noisy and my ears are weary with the thousand raucous sounds which continuously assault them. Give me the spirit of the boy Samuel when he said to Thee, “Speak, for thy servant heareth.” Let me hear the speaking in my heart. Let me get used to the sound of Thy voice, that its tones may be familiar when the sounds of the earth die away and the only sound will be music of Thy speaking voice. Amen!”